“I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.”
Here I am OVER 40 weeks pregnant… I started having contractions around 11:30 pm last night, they started off irregular, but within an hour were consistently coming about every 8 min . EXCITING! I thought… It stayed that way until about 8:30 am and then started to slow down…So after 9 hours of consistent surges, no sleeping and feeling very uncomfortable my morale started to dip…
I felt frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted and in need of a change of atmosphere. So around 7:30 we headed to my moms house, where our children had stayed the night. We had some bagels, fruit and coffee, and everyone did their best to keep my motivated and encouraged. They assured me that this birth process was unfolding on its OWN time line, even if it didn’t look like it!
After breakfast, things seemed to slow down, so we decided to take a walk to see if that would encourage this birth along…. Over an hour later and many painful contractions, we returned sweaty but with no change. So my sister offered to massage my feet to help me relax and hopefully let me be able to get some rest. Out of all of my planning, that has been the only planned that worked out – I was able to get about an hour snooze in, which felt very rejuvenating. Praise GOD!!!
Speaking of praising God… Let’s talk about Him and His plan… Let me start by stating the obvious – GOD KNOWS ALL. He already knows how my labor will unfold, what time and day he will arrive and all that leads up to it. I, on the other hand – KNOW NOTHING, which honestly, has been driving me a tad BONKERS…. As we have discussed – I am a planner, I like to take action and execute my plans, I enjoy the feeling of being in control and having an impact on the outcome. BUT birth, does not work that way. Nothing I have done to “speed” up this process has worked and there seems to be nothing I can do… EXCEPT – patiently wait and rest in God’s presence and trust His timing. Which, is probably the HARDEST thing for me to do currently…
However, God knows how I am wired and He knows having a VISION for the future is helpful for me to stay the course. Which is why I believe He has given me a couple visions over the past week … In these visions, I see God holding my son, smiling at me and saying – when I am ready I will give him to you…. And he reminds me to just keep walking down this path of BIRTH, towards Him and this blessing. They are beautiful reminders in the moment, but I have found it difficult to stay focused on this word and keep hope. I know it is inevitable this child will be birthed and I will be holding him in my arms – but fear creeps in and tells me this path is NEVER ending…
But I have a choice… Listen to fear, and get lost in the chaos of worrying and stressing. OR put my HOPE in GOD’s WORD and trust in his timing… I am going to go with the LATER! I am feeling much calmer as I write this, listening to spa music and reminding myself –
ALL IS WELL – IN HIS TIME – HE KNOWS BEST – HE WANTS THE BEST FOR ME – AND I WILL SURRENDER ALL AND BLOOM IN GOD’S PREDETERMINED TIME.
I want to end with expressing that,although, I have experienced a lot of disappointment and frustration – I have also felt a lot of Gratitude and support. I feel grateful to have my family and friends supporting me and encouraging me during this time of transition. I am grateful to have my relationship with God to lean on for peace, joy and hope. And I am grateful to know – the end is insight and a new BEGINNING is just on the horizon. SO for now, I wait expectantly, with hope and faith that GOD is on my side.
I AM BLOOMING ON TIME.
Love you bloom sisters… Sarah ❤